The Drama Triangle // Saving Ourselves from Ourselves

The drama triangle, a structure in which we find ourselves engaged if immersed in any drama, includes three characters with distinct roles: perpetrator (the "villain"), victim, and hero. When engaged in a drama, we take on one of these roles. By activating this role, we summon the other two characters. They can show up within us, as we cycle through each of the roles in our minds to get us through a painful experience. We can also summon them by assigning these roles to people in our lives -- this process of assigning roles can, of course, go on simply within our own minds. Stories we tell ourselves about who's done what and who's to blame ....

If we're playing the blame game, the triangle is activated: If we take on the blame, we vilify ourselves; if we blame someone other than ourselves for a drama, we take on the victim role; and if we view someone else as to blame and assign the victim role to another, it's likely that we're taking on the hero role and attempting to solve others' problems (again, even if this somewhat self-exalting role of hero is only developed within our own mind).

Once we rise above the drama triangle, we find where liberation enters -- this is where the magic happens. Truthfully, without the (assumed or actual) victim, who also can be thought of as the observer or the witness, the triangle crumbles in on itself. In fact, the hero and the villain/perpetrator can actually get along. Think about it: in the vast majority of stories that involve both a villain and a hero (and this is most stories that contain any sort of real juice; let's be honest), these two characters have some sort of camaraderie -- perhaps even a (perhaps albeit tumultuous) symbiotic relationship. It's the victim that incites the drama. Spider-Man and the villains -- whether they be the Green Goblin, Electro, Doctor Octopus (I'm a nerd but, unfortunately, not nerdy enough in the right ways: I did google those names) -- actually have somewhat of a relationship. The conflict arises out of differing, let's say, intentions, around whether to save or harm a third party -- the victim. My personal feeling is that both heroes and villains really like attention. And they're rewarded with exactly that when they save or harm the observer (the character who then takes on perceived victimhood). But without this victim, without the observer(s) ... does the conflict still exist? Is anyone really a victim? For the purposes of my
comic book-supportedpoint here, I would say no (unless one falls prey to unforeseen circumstances, but even then, I feel that there is nothing that happens that's truly not for our benefit and, if eventual, healing).

My point is, let's not call ourselves victims so much. We are beings being human and having human experiences. We invigorate a cycle of destruction when we resort to victim-hood. Let's choose to rise above -- where the heroes go -- and find the place that allows us to release the triangulating (whether it be imagined or tangible). The villain is inside you, and your own inner hero is the only one who can save you. Befriend this inner villain. She's trapped, and waiting for your sweet love that will give her release. When that happens, we can save ourselves from ourselves (respect, Tom Robbins); this is when we become our own heroes, supporting one another on each of our own unique Hero's Journeys. Release the drama triangle. That shape happens to be prettier when we assign it other meaning, anyway.

I've traveled near & traveled far
I beat a hole in my guitar
crawled with the zeroes
& I stood with my heroes
& I still got a long way to go
--Railroad Earth




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