The Drama Triangle // Saving Ourselves from Ourselves

The drama triangle, a structure in which we find ourselves engaged if immersed in any drama, includes three characters with distinct roles: perpetrator (the "villain"), victim, and hero. When engaged in a drama, we take on one of these roles. By activating this role, we summon the other two characters. They can show up within us, as we cycle through each of the roles in our minds to get us through a painful experience. We can also summon them by assigning these roles to people in our lives -- this process of assigning roles can, of course, go on simply within our own minds. Stories we tell ourselves about who's done what and who's to blame ....

If we're playing the blame game, the triangle is activated: If we take on the blame, we vilify ourselves; if we blame someone other than ourselves for a drama, we take on the victim role; and if we view someone else as to blame and assign the victim role to another, it's likely that we're taking on the hero role and attempting to solve others' problems (again, even if this somewhat self-exalting role of hero is only developed within our own mind).

Once we rise above the drama triangle, we find where liberation enters -- this is where the magic happens. Truthfully, without the (assumed or actual) victim, who also can be thought of as the observer or the witness, the triangle crumbles in on itself. In fact, the hero and the villain/perpetrator can actually get along. Think about it: in the vast majority of stories that involve both a villain and a hero (and this is most stories that contain any sort of real juice; let's be honest), these two characters have some sort of camaraderie -- perhaps even a (perhaps albeit tumultuous) symbiotic relationship. It's the victim that incites the drama. Spider-Man and the villains -- whether they be the Green Goblin, Electro, Doctor Octopus (I'm a nerd but, unfortunately, not nerdy enough in the right ways: I did google those names) -- actually have somewhat of a relationship. The conflict arises out of differing, let's say, intentions, around whether to save or harm a third party -- the victim. My personal feeling is that both heroes and villains really like attention. And they're rewarded with exactly that when they save or harm the observer (the character who then takes on perceived victimhood). But without this victim, without the observer(s) ... does the conflict still exist? Is anyone really a victim? For the purposes of my
comic book-supportedpoint here, I would say no (unless one falls prey to unforeseen circumstances, but even then, I feel that there is nothing that happens that's truly not for our benefit and, if eventual, healing).

My point is, let's not call ourselves victims so much. We are beings being human and having human experiences. We invigorate a cycle of destruction when we resort to victim-hood. Let's choose to rise above -- where the heroes go -- and find the place that allows us to release the triangulating (whether it be imagined or tangible). The villain is inside you, and your own inner hero is the only one who can save you. Befriend this inner villain. She's trapped, and waiting for your sweet love that will give her release. When that happens, we can save ourselves from ourselves (respect, Tom Robbins); this is when we become our own heroes, supporting one another on each of our own unique Hero's Journeys. Release the drama triangle. That shape happens to be prettier when we assign it other meaning, anyway.

I've traveled near & traveled far
I beat a hole in my guitar
crawled with the zeroes
& I stood with my heroes
& I still got a long way to go
--Railroad Earth




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Filtering the Fork in the Road

How could something that feels so big to one person, to one family, to one community, feel so small to another person, family, community? I'm doing a lot of spinning these days; spinning out on the hamster wheel of my mind. I'm not sure if my filter is broken or if the path is truly leading to a break. A fork in the road. I asked the radio for a sign, as I often do, but because I've been tripped out about direct-feeling answers appearing when I asked direct-feeling questions, I've been (consciously) getting more and more vague with what I ask for. So I asked for a sign as to what's going on. Good one, Alix; this will be useful.

"Do you hear, do you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover ..."

I sing along; I love this song. Men At Work are already at work in the middle of the song (I'm sorry; my writing is so bad lately) -- one of my favorites as far as catchy jams from one-hit wonders go. A new song starts up: I shazam it; it's called "Follow My Feet" by The Unlikely Candidates. Yes, these lyrics speak to what is happening. But I already knew this. Of course. This is my life we're talking about -- I don't even go towards synchronicity anymore. I can't not assign objective meaning to signs. This isn't necessarily an ominous one, although it is ominous in the sense that the Universe/Spirit (whatever you prefer) speaks to us -- there's no mistaking this -- and things that happen in our little bodies, while we're in or out of them, is no mistake. Nothing is a mistake; and there also is no true avoidance of lessons, whether they come in one life or the next: in one form or another.

I find deep peace when I don't try to figure it out; when I let go of the How?and simply surrender. Surrendering to "what is" feels paradoxical, though, because of the sometimes-confusion around the state and efficiency level of my filter. What exactly am I surrendering to? I try to figure out the details, gathering information and signs wherever I tread, so as to clues on what isn't available to me right now. I take in everything. I interpret astrological charts to support these stories. I pay attention to dreams, and google and translate if they don't arrive in literal form. (Must learn: Google, bad.) Everything speaks to and contributes meaning to a story, and most of it is un-integrated. That's when my filter gets mucked up and requires cleaning -- deep steam-cleaning by teams of professionals certified in that sort of thing. But is this team of professionals inside of me? When I lean towards believing it's the filter that's problematic here, and not the content of the continuous images and stories, I recognize that it could be. [Regina doesn't like that I use "visions", uplifting my status to Prophetess and internally perpetuating cycles of stories by giving them power.]

The various healers I've been working with around some recent experiences and their integration feels valuable and often, once moved through the fire of the retelling and working through of whatever current experience I'm having, supportive of this cleaning process. (I may even begin training on the healing path with one. Making plans is hard to do now, but I'm holding this intention close.)

How does one separate the workings of the mind with the residue of the soul? The filter. How do we know when our filter is functioning properly or is in need of a deep cleanse? When we reach the fork in the road? I don't have the answers to this. I pray that the Universe is speaking to me now in metaphor: that the lessons here are for my benefit and support longevity and healing, and that my need for answers right now begins to loosen and relieve itself of its grappled clutch just a bit.

Om shanti.


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The Messages of Coincidence // The Synchronicity Mystery

I wonder if people's differing use of synchronicity and coincidence is a matter of semantics or if truly, those people who believe in coincidence over synchronicity believe that everything is truly random; that when events align and reveal parallel meaning to one another it is simply due to a multitude of randomness -- chance happenings because of random occurrence after random occurrence: pure coincidence.

I feel triggered by coincidence.

I have to question coincidence when I think back to a moment among moments in December: In ceremony, a ladybug lands on my pillow in the midst of a shared moment with a sister-friend ... I later learn ladybug's totem significance to be one of protection, as well as connection (in relationship with others or inner-connection -- that within yourself). That powerful night two and a half months ago began a conscious leg of my current and arduous process of the integration of the head and the heart. Two weeks after that beginning, I opened a gym membership in the name of self-care and protecting and grounding my porousness through exercise via an indoor swimming pool ... and a giant ladybug flag is strung above the open lane I dip into. This ladybug comes to me as I begin action towards much-needed sweet inner connection with and protection of myself. A week after this, I mention to a friend while at work these parallel connections and in conversation around shamanic meanings: she responds that she and her partner (who share a relationship often steeped in tumult, now reaching a period of peace) -- only the day before -- had brought home a purchase of hundreds of ladybugs to assist in their gardening endeavors; there were currently ladybugs flying all about her partner's home -- my friend mentioned one had landed on her partner's face the night before and they had shared a tender moment over this silliness. Protection. Connection. Is this coincidence?