How could something that feels so big to one person, to one family, to one community, feel so small to another person, family, community? I'm doing a lot of spinning these days; spinning out on the hamster wheel of my mind. I'm not sure if my filter is broken or if the path is truly leading to a break. A fork in the road. I asked the radio for a sign, as I often do, but because I've been tripped out about direct-feeling answers appearing when I asked direct-feeling questions, I've been (consciously) getting more and more vague with what I ask for. So I asked for a sign as to what's going on. Good one, Alix; this will be useful.
"Do you hear, do you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover ..."
I sing along; I love this song. Men At Work are already at work in the middle of the song (I'm sorry; my writing is so bad lately) -- one of my favorites as far as catchy jams from one-hit wonders go. A new song starts up: I shazam it; it's called "Follow My Feet" by The Unlikely Candidates. Yes, these lyrics speak to what is happening. But I already knew this. Of course. This is my life we're talking about -- I don't even go towards synchronicity anymore. I can't not assign objective meaning to signs. This isn't necessarily an ominous one, although it is ominous in the sense that the Universe/Spirit (whatever you prefer) speaks to us -- there's no mistaking this -- and things that happen in our little bodies, while we're in or out of them, is no mistake. Nothing is a mistake; and there also is no true avoidance of lessons, whether they come in one life or the next: in one form or another.
I find deep peace when I don't try to figure it out; when I let go of the How?and simply surrender. Surrendering to "what is" feels paradoxical, though, because of the sometimes-confusion around the state and efficiency level of my filter. What exactly am I surrendering to? I try to figure out the details, gathering information and signs wherever I tread, so as to clues on what isn't available to me right now. I take in everything. I interpret astrological charts to support these stories. I pay attention to dreams, and google and translate if they don't arrive in literal form. (Must learn: Google, bad.) Everything speaks to and contributes meaning to a story, and most of it is un-integrated. That's when my filter gets mucked up and requires cleaning -- deep steam-cleaning by teams of professionals certified in that sort of thing. But is this team of professionals inside of me? When I lean towards believing it's the filter that's problematic here, and not the content of the continuous images and stories, I recognize that it could be. [Regina doesn't like that I use "visions", uplifting my status to Prophetess and internally perpetuating cycles of stories by giving them power.]
The various healers I've been working with around some recent experiences and their integration feels valuable and often, once moved through the fire of the retelling and working through of whatever current experience I'm having, supportive of this cleaning process. (I may even begin training on the healing path with one. Making plans is hard to do now, but I'm holding this intention close.)
How does one separate the workings of the mind with the residue of the soul? The filter. How do we know when our filter is functioning properly or is in need of a deep cleanse? When we reach the fork in the road? I don't have the answers to this. I pray that the Universe is speaking to me now in metaphor: that the lessons here are for my benefit and support longevity and healing, and that my need for answers right now begins to loosen and relieve itself of its grappled clutch just a bit.
Om shanti.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
No comments:
Post a Comment